Jul 26, 2011

Seems Like Life Is Best Lived Lately When You Can't Feel It

Seriously I don't know where to begin.

Perhaps I should begin years ago when I went to get my children their flu shots at the local Health Department because their was a shortage of flu vaccine and our pediatrician was advising we do this just in case he did not get the vaccine in a timely manner. When the Health Department went to verify The Teenagers address it was not correct. I informed the clerk I had no idea who's address it was that they had in their computer.

Apparently, the owner of the incorrect address was getting services using The Teenagers name and social security number.

That's how I discovered that the birth mother (BM) had been defrauding us. A social worker friend of mine helped me navigate through the huge mess. She handled Medicaid while I handled credit agencies and Social Security. I did not call the police as she advised me to.

Big mistake.

I spent 3 hours in the Social Security office demanding a new social security number for The Teenager.

"We don't do that" the clerk stated.

I informed him that yes, you do in cases of adoption. He called his supervisor over who called her supervisor over and they conferred behind a portable partition. I could hear every word they said including the tidbit about the fact that the birth mother had been in the Social Security office two weeks earlier and had been give a copy of The Teenagers social security card because she "lost it." My adoption had been final for years. She had absolutely no rights whatsoever.

"Why do you want a new social security number?" I was asked.

"Because I have been defrauded by the birth mother and I do not want her obtaining any social security cards or records on my child," I answered.

"We would never do that!" the man swears.

"I just heard you tell your supervisors that she was in here and given a card two weeks ago."

"You weren't supposed to hear that." he replies.

I was granted permission for her to have a new social security number and 6 weeks later the new card came in the mail.

With the old social security number still on it.

Then the phone call comes in a few years later.

"May I speak to the Teenager?" the pleasant lady inquires.

"Who is this."

"Is the Teenager home?" she asks


"This is the Department of Children and Families and we are calling to speak to the Teenager. Does she still live there?" she asks.

"Of course she lives here. She is 14 years old and sitting next to me on the sofa. Why wouldn't she still live here?"

"Well, sometimes adoptions fall through,' she replies.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" I shriek.

"Well....someone has applied for benefits for her and we were wondering..."

"Would that someone be B.M.?" I asked?

Loooooooong pause followed by, "Yes."

Apparently, she was at it again.

Then comes the poo syrup on the sundae of life when i file my income tax return in 2010.

Someone has already filed for The Teenager.

Oh. My. God.

Around this time the BM has the audacity to call me to see how The Teenager was. I confront her regarding the multiple episodes of lying, cheating and fraud.

"I would never do that." she replies. " That's why my momma is in prison."


We hung up after I told her I was notifying the police if she kept it up and then every day for months I started getting phone hang ups to the point where I finally had to change the home number I've had since 1980.

It broke my heart.

And my new number? Apparently the biggest deadbeat in the world used to have my new number so I am getting collection agencies 5 times a day now. Ironically, the dead beat has the exact same first name as The Boy so I am getting calls daily asking if they can speak to The Boy.

The first time this happened I nearly had a stroke.

Today as we leave our neurology clinic appointment I run smack into...you guessed it...the BM.

The teenager has gone ahead of me to play a game in the lobby so I scurry out to the lobby and shuffle her in to the bathroom. I see BM peeking around the corner waiting for us to come out so I send Iris on ahead as lookout. Eventually, after cussing out a vending machine BM leaves.

Why was she there?

Because she is the appointed guardian of a small, special needs child.


The woman who had her own child removed by the system. The woman who has a severe, diagnosed mental health issue complete with delusions and hallucinations. The woman who is so developmentally delayed she nearly starved The Teenager to death because she could not be taught how to feed a baby. The woman who continues to commit fraud but has never been convicted.

This woman is a child's guardian. My guess is that she has probably been appointed by the very system who took her own child away.

What's that? Is someone in blog land mumbling that everyone deserves a second chance?

Perhaps you would like to donate your income tax return to BM as well?

There was a time I would seek "justice" but lately
I've decided there is no justice in this world. We all know that if you or I had participated in even one of the fraudulent activities that BM had over the years that we'd probably be sitting in a cell now, munching a high carb diet in an orange jumpsuit and sharing a generic menthol with home-girl.

Martha Stout, PHD states in The Sociopath Next Door that 1 out of 25 ordinary Americans secretly has no conscience and can do anything at all without feeling guilty.

I've met my share of BM's with no conscience. And of workers who are supposed to be protecting children not crucifying them.

It's a bitter pill to swallow.

And we wonder why antidepressant usage has doubled in the last decade?


Birdie said...

I don't even know what to say. What gets me the most is how nice and caring people who really are tying to make this planet a better place have to jump through hoops. Become a drug-addicted, thieving, lying, abusive dead-beat parent then you have all the rights in the world. I don't know. It makes no sense. It is a mad world.

Elizabeth said...

Ah yes. And there are states that would deny gay couples the right to adopt children.

Ah, yes.

I wish I could say it's all astounding, but it's not.

Anonymous said...

I can't imagine and I'm thankful that you have the Teenager and the Boy and the Baby.

D said...

We had the Boy's SS changed as soon as the adoption went through in legitimate fear of what you are going through, because she was just that kind of person. All I needed to do it was his adoption papers. It's federal, it should be the same no matter where you live.

Anonymous said...

Bless you and may God go before you as you fight these insane battles. I was married to a true sociopath and had 3 kids before he stopped fooling me. No joke or exaggeration! keep trying to get a new SS and for the sake of any kids she could be appointed as guardian over...file the charges against her!!!!!!!! ASAP!!

Island Rider said...

Oh, Lord. And I say that as a prayer and not a curse. I know you are weary and worn out, but if you don't do try to something on behalf of that child who is in her care and something happens to that child, you will feel really bad about it. Just saying, even though its none of my beeswax and its nothing you don't already know.

Melinda said...

Oh Lord have mercy. please tell us there is SOMEONE who you can tell who can do SOMETHING to protect that little child with the BM! My heart is breaking for them.

Island Rider said...

It occurred to me after pondering this for a while that BM could stand for something other than Birth Mother.