Jun 18, 2010

Beauty For Ashes and 64 Ounces of H20

Day 3 of boys infusion. Be at the hospital at 8:00 am. Get up at 5:30 am. Feed, potty, water/dog cat. Make coffee. Blessed caffeine. Wake up boy, teen. Baby awake already. Baby always awake. Feed, water, fertilize, medicate nebulize, dress and assist with dressing, flush I.V. Pack cooler. Lunches. School bus early! Murphy's Law! School bus never early. Bye, bye baby Have fun. On to teenagers hair. Black women of America I salute and admire you. You do not wash and wear permed hair. Time. It takes time. Too. Much.Time. Uh-oh. All out of hair product. No time to re-stock this week between work and hospital. I find a jar of perm enhancer I don't recall buying....mmmmm smells good. Works ok. As I slather and comb and braid I wonder what this goop along with the sunscreen we use by the gallons is doing to my pool filter. Back to cooler. Teenager needs 64 ounces of water since seizure medication is metabolized in kidneys. Yes, hospital has water but it costs money. We bring ours from home. Kidneys are one of the few organs that work correctly in our home. Especially mine. Love your kidneys.

20 minutes late today. Have to frisk the boy in parking garage. Yesterday he brought a fluorescent green beetle in his pocket to the hospital sending one of the nurses screaming. Better than the garden snake of days past but infusion nurses don't like beetles
or snakes. Why, the boy asks? No time to explain knowing he could not process the explanation any way. I'm conserving my energy today. Notice I said "could not" not "would not" process. Big City doctor who is working with the boys severe leaning disorders has finally brainwashed convinced me that the boy cannot process a number of logical things we all take for granted. Big City doc is finally getting through my authoritative parenting style. It is obvious that the generic behavior management approach of sticker charts and time out and logic are downright asinine solutions in a certain segment of the population. After I frisk boy I ask, have you smuggled any critters in today? "No, I couldn't find any." Ah. Yes. That's my boy. Still too innocent to be clever. Shiver at the thought of the 10 beetles I found on his drafting table last night. He fishes them out of the pool and attempts to revive them with the warmth of his Ikea desk lamp. Occasionally it works as I've had more than one buzz bomb me at night when i turn on the bathroom light. Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech! Too much Tom Sawyer-Huck Finn/my mom is a nurse in this boy who recently brought me a baby bird he had pulled from the mouth of a huge rat snake. "Your a nurse do something!" Honey, the bird is gone. No. Mouth to beak will not work. "Can't you shock him?" Um, we don't have an AED in our home and even if we did it would have to be a bird AED. While we were at baby bird memorial service in back yard rat snake was probably already in the nest looking for bird sibling since his first snack had been so rudely interrupted. The circle of life. Shiver.

Make it in to the infusion room. BLESSED CHAIR! I'm so happy to sit I could cry tears of joy. Open cooler to get teenager started on water. Yogurt has exploded. So much for my breakfast. Kids had bacon, eggs and waffles but no time to feed my face. Pink mess everywhere. Clean up mess. Kids get caught up on Nick and Disney channels since we don't have cable at home. Chat with infusion buddies we've known for 7 years. Have made many close friends over the years thanks to the long, tedious infusion hours we've logged in since 2000. Time to catch up on children. Grandchildren. Jobs.

Infusion hours tick by slowly. Plenty of time to emerse my self in some "light"reading if i can just...stay...awake... Up until midnight chatting with a new friend from rural deep south last night. Lately, I've been obsessed with six degrees of separation and divine appointments and how closely related we all are at any given moment. Last nights chat case in point. Friend in rural Bible belt goes to the mall. Meets helpful employee. Runs into helpful employee now and then. Hears helpful employee is a foster/adoptive parent. Having difficulty. Friend gives helpful employee my phone number after clearing it with me. We talk by phone several times. Connect on Facebook. Wonderful black foster family who love their children and have an adopted son with attachment issues. School wants to put the 6 year old in their tiny county's "Alternative School." I look it up on the web. Looks like gray prison portables. Placing a 6 year old with teenage juvenile delinquents does not seem like a brilliant idea not to mention the obvious that the root issues aren't being addressed. Thank God this child has excellent advocates in his intelligent, caring adoptive mom and dad. So many do not. I re-play this conversation over and over with adoptive parents and parents of special needs children all over the U.S. Getting an education in under staffed, under funded schools who are inundated with drug exposed, alcohol exposed, neglected, abused and medically complex children is growing in difficulty especially in states where my new friend lives. The state is poor. The average IQ is
93.3. Now if they lived in Vermont or Connecticut...

The book I'm reading, The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene, Ph.D is one of the best books I've come across. Love this man's approach. Executive Skills. Language Processing Skills. Emotion Regulation Skills. Cognitive Flexibility Skills. Social Skills. So many adoptive/foster children so lacking in some or all of these skills. Whether they are 6 days or 16 years old at time of adoption there are always hidden enemies waiting to sabotage the placement. Enemies like pre-natal drug exposures, familial pre-dispositions, genetic abnormalities, and rejection issues that all adoptee's face regarding their birth parents to one degree or another no matter how stable and loving their adoptive home is. I cringe when I hear professionals in "placement" positions make statements like: "She had one visit with her prospective adoptive parents and was already calling them mommy and daddy. Isn't that wonderful?" No, it's called Reactive Attachment Disorder. Ever heard of it? or: "He has such beautiful blue eyes. He'll be adopted in no time." Like this is the issue? And my favorite: "It is a match made in heaven. It was love at first sight." I hope you have the heavenly realms on speed dial. You gonna need it bubba.

If you're thinking about adopting, especially an older child, you should probably do a little research before you dive in:

Big Mama Hollers
Never A Dull Moment
The Accidental Mommy
Ashley Rhodes-Courter

Wait a minute. What's that beeping noise? WOO HOOO! Infusion complete leaving me 4 months to get in shape for the next 3 day marathon. Maybe I can finish my book then! It seems to be the only time I am able to sit down for any length of time.

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