Apr 11, 2010
It's 3:53 AM and my dog woke me up going ballistic. After 20 minutes of me yelling "STOP BARKING" I finally got out of bed with the boy tugging on me yelling that Vanna White was "sensing danger." Sure enough, there are 3 police cruisers in front of my house and a strange man/teen standing on my lawn smoking! There was something lying next to him on his right. A bike? A dead body? I just hate it when you can't see details in the dark! Of course, the boy was using my binoculars last week and didn't put them back! After seeing the man hunt and the boy's incessant, I told you so's, my tune changed to,"GOOD DOGGIE! WHAT A GOOD DOGGIE!" Since 2 of the 6 uniformed police were obviously on foot searching my neighborhood and 2 of the 3 cruisers were driving around with their lights off (which the boy noticed) I figured I'd let Vanna out for a little jog around the back yard so she could fulfill her doggie dreams and rip someones head off if they just happened to be lurking there. I saw Vanna in a fight once. She was attacked by a boxer who Vanna thought wanted to play. Within seconds of the attack I watched her switch effortlessly from play mode to I'm going to rip your neck open mode. The boxer immediately knew he bit off more than he could chew...literally and figuratively...and stopped the attack, standing perfectly still acknowledging Vanna as, "Alpha Dog." I was so proud of her I wanted to make her an Alpha Dog cape on the spot. They say these dogs kill bear, wolves and big cats and after the boxer rebellion I have no doubts regarding this tid bit of information. Vanna made a vicious sweep of the back yard perimeter tonight and finding nothing prances regally over to my heirloom tomatoes right in front of me and pees on them! "BAD DOGGIE! WHAT A BAD DOGGIE!" Even if my heirloom tomatoes survive who will want to eat them? Anyway, I soon lost interest in the hoopla and decided to check my e-mail. Thank you to my friend Diane who sent me two seriously funny blogs right up my thrifty alley. I'm in here laughing and snorting reading these blogs and since I have no curtains I'm sure between the giant polar bear dog and my insane cackling whoever they were looking for was making a mental note in the bushes to avoid my house in the future. Anyway, enjoy!
Posted by SECRET PEPPER PERSON: at Sunday, April 11, 2010