Oct 12, 2011

It's Official. The World Has Gone Completely Mad.

Amish Arrested!

Seriously? The Amish attacking other Amish with scissors and battery powered hair clippers? Didn't their mothers ever teach them not to run with break and enter with scissors?

And assault with a battery powered hair clipper? Assault aside, are the Amish even allowed to use batteries? Just asking.

Is it me or do the above perps really look Amish to you?

Allegedly, one has had a previous brush with law enforcement for sexual contact with a minor. Care to guess which one by looking at their mug shots? I find it difficult to decide since they all look like Charles Manson wannabe's. And don't let that bowl cut on the right fool you. He's probably snortin' crushed Vicodin behind the haystack before he sets it on fire morphing old MacDonald has a farm into the MacDonald Triad.

I don't mean to be critical but while we're on the subject nothing says kissin cousins like the photos above either. The fact that 17 out of the 18 involved hair trimming, beard snatching families are "related" comes as no surprise when you look at those mug shots. Can first cousins marry in Ohio? How about siblings?

"Rachel called, Josiah. She told us to bolt the barn door and charge up the taser. We need to throw down them gangbanger foo's before they clip us tonight."

And what about these eight arrested in Kentucky for failure to affix those bright orange triangles to the back of their horse drawn buggy's because they violate their modesty codes. I know. I agree. Orange is for inmates and hookers...

but guys! What about those hairdos? Are perky flips modest? Really?

You want to talk perky flip? Look at me in 8th grade.

I don't know why this whole Amish thing has done me in today. Maybe it's because I'm always threatening to run away and become Amish. Maybe it's because I think they have the most wonderful, healthy life styles.

Maybe it's because if you can't trust the Amish not to scalp you who can you trust?


Birdie said...

Father of the Mullets? I have no words.

D said...

YOu KNOW Jesus Has to be coming, with all these Amish going crazy

Zoey's mom, Heather said...

You crack me up like no other. Can we please hang out sometime? We would have a blast, I am telling you.

Thanks for the much needed laugh tonight. Much appreciated.

My daughter said this has got to be one of the funniest ones you have EVER written.It really is up our families humor alley!

Elizabeth said...

I agree with Heather -- I adore your iconoclasm --

A said...

Your 8th grade flip is indeed vastly superior to the Amish mug shots. I too harbored romantic fantasies of peaceful Amish life, despite having watched a documentary about "wilding" that should have popped that bubble.

On to the Mennonites!

Anonymous said...

at least the buggy offenders had the decency to be ashamed!

Beverly said...

I enjoy the comments to this post as much as the post itself.

B.D.D.W. said...

I think your 8th grade photo is beautiful. No you don't need to become Amish I may not like you then. You are making my day just the way you are.The Amish couldn't handle you.