Apr 2, 2011

Shinguardophobia

I received a call from a fellow adoptive mom who needed a break from one of her more challenging children. Her daughters name is Aziza. I handed my friend a copy of When Love Is Not Enough and she handed me Aziza.

For two solid days I've heard variations on the name Aziza from two of my charming children who have some serious "long term memory retrieval issues" especially if it's longer than five minutes.

The Baby, who does not have long term memory retrieval issues has been pointing to Aziza for two days asking, "what's that?" We'll work on manners later.

"Azalea, do you want to play hide and seek?"

"Akeelah! Let's swing!"

And my personal favorite while they were roasting marshmallows over the fire tonight from the teenager...

"Camellia, do you want another marshmallow?"

Camellia? How lovely! Remind me to name my next parakeet Camellia.

I'm concerned that tomorrow when we return Aziza she will no longer remember her own name.

Round about 9 pm listening to the echos of ...

"Aiesha! You're it!"

...I decided to bang my head against a wall.

Fortunately for me and unfortunately for The Baby our 10 year old neighbor who was sharing our cookout chose this time to step out of our pool clad in his unusual pool garb. A bathing suit and shin guards. Don't ask.

The Baby took one look at those shin guards and had a most bizarre meltdown. She went totally ballistic. Screaming and shaking violently. Pointing at the shin guards and climbing up my side clinging to my neck.

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Yes. The child who flings alien bugs at their owners ...

puts a 90lb dog in it's place daily... gets immunizations and lab work without even flinching....adores the explosions during the Indiana Jone's Epic Stunt Spectacular at Hollywood Studios...

Shin guards completely did her in. Two hours later she is still occluding my carotids and pointing out the window fearing the return of the neighbor and his evil shin guards.

I'm trying to be sympathetic. I realize what I saw coming out of the pool:

was obviously not what The Baby saw coming out of the pool:



I'm also a little disappointed as this means The Baby will not be playing special needs soccer with the rest of the gang. It also means I won't be able to bring her to special needs soccer to watch the rest of the gang due to the abundance of shin guards in one area. Can you see me explaining to the other parents during the disruption she will inevitably cause that it is because she has shinguardophobia?

I've had enough for one day. I'm going to bed.

Right after I tuck in The Boy, The Teenager, The Baby and Ikea.

7 comments:

Lynn said...

I laughed so hard I had tears coming out of my eyes.

Zoey's mom said...

So glad you are back because you make me smile and laugh and make me really,really want to hang out at your house.Could you see us... the two of us with our Meniere's thingy and our complicated yet beautiful crew?Fun times indeed.

Lilith said...

Too funny. Wonder what she saw. Katie gets upset when people give directions, especially if there is gesturing involved. Who knows why.

Island Rider said...

Poor baby, but it did make me laugh. Did Ikea have a hard time adjusting to being back home? Did mom?

Elizabeth said...

You are perhaps the funniest person writing in the blogosphere.

That's the most perfect story about the circus-life we all lead that I've ever heard. And the comment about The Baby possibly not being able to play special needs soccer -- my god, I practically peed in my jeans.

Diane said...

LOVE! Aiesha will be thrilled she was included in the name game! : )

Kathleen Scott said...

I'm so glad you're back!!!

Laughing.

And BTW, you're a good friend. Azalea's Mom would probably nominate you for sainthood.