Social Security Disability. Yes. Again.

It occurs to me as I travel home from the fax machine at Office Depot that I only share the tip of the family iceberg with my blog friends and followers.

Yes. The tip.

Many of you may find that hard to believe since our experiences are often so bizarre and overwhelmingly complicated that you could not imagine any more excitement being packed into our daily lives.

I don't have the mental or physical energy to blog about what's under the tip of the iceberg but when it comes to The Teenagers Adventures in Social Security Land I think every detail SHOULD be documented don't you?

When I arrived home today from the grocery store I had a voice mail message.

The message was addressed to the mother of (insert The Teenagers birth name) informing me that The Teenager needed an IQ and Achievement test which they would pay for but they needed to make sure that I would be bringing her for the testing. Never once did she state who "they" were or leave her actual name on the message.

And yes, just to be absolutely fair I just went in and re-listened to the message and no she never mentioned her name or the name of the agency she represented. She did miraculously leave a phone number which I suppose I should be thankful for.

I phoned the 1-800 number reaching a very pleasant lady who turned out to be from the Florida Disability Determination Office. That's three people I've dealt with who can't remember the correct name of the client they are working with but are as sweet as canned pineapple in heavy syrup. I'm beginning to suspect Prozac in the water cooler.

I asked why she was referring to The Teenager using her birth name which has not been her legal name since 1996.

"Oh, you will have to take that up with the Social Security office and have them change it."

Wrong answer.

I informed her I had taken it up with the Social Security office in 1996 and was in possession of a social security card and birth certificate with the correct name on it.

"Oh. It doesn't matter as long as I have the correct address."

"No, it does matter. It matters to me. It matters because The Teenager was adopted in 1996 and legally you should have no knowledge of her birth name as it does not exist. What you are doing is not legal. In other words you are telling me it would be ok for me to apply for SSI for my daughter under the name Elvis Presley even though that is not her legal name just as long as I used this address? Perhaps Elvis Presley is not a good example since he's dead and all. Let's say I apply for Social Security using the name Barack Husain Obama? It's ok just as long as I use this address even though that is not her legal name?"

"I'm changing it in the computer now!" she trills. "The reason I'm calling is that we need an IQ test on the Teenager and we will, of course pay for it!"

"She had one in July of 2011."

'What?"

"Yes, I brought the copy in to the Social Security Office."

"I don't have that..."

"Really? Why I'm totally shocked," I gasped.

I wanted to tell her that I forked $320.00 out of pocket for the IQ test because I think any psychologist who contracts with the agency for disability determinations is a nit wit who probably couldn't even get a job in a Filipino call center let alone a job as a real psychologist.

Instead, I told her I'd be happy to fax her the report I already turned in to J-O-H-N-N-Y in September.

"That would be wonderful," she tra la la'd

I think I could hear the bubbling of the water cooler in the background.

So I fax'd the $320.00 four page report stating The Teenager's IQ is 46. It cost me $6.00 and gas to Office Depot which ticked me off more than anything. After all, I am on a very strict budget and I wish these people would stop wiping their rear ends with my daughters medical records.

"It's ok to use my name! Just be sure to use the following address...Social Security Disability for everyone!"

Perhaps Obama should use my address in his next campaign and offer free SSI for anyone residing with me. He could modify his last campaign slogan just a tad.

It's about time!
It's about change!
Bogus name?
OK with Husain!

It would certainly do wonders for his popularity.