Mar 23, 2012

Femur Fracture and The Dyslexic Paramedics

Leonardo da Vinci was dyslexic

I think I'm tired.

On Tuesday when we came home from The Teenagers surgery I was exhausted but up until 1 am trying to get her comfy and situated. And then there is 6 am and work the following day.

On Wednesday we were in the car to take The Boy to school when nature called. I ran shrieking back into the house barely making it. Probably stress I told myself.

We eventually arrived at The Boy's school late and Ms. Trinidad of the front office looked at me. "This is very unlike you to be this late!"

MOM HAS DIARRHEA!" The Boy explains in his loudest voice.

Ms Trinidad started to to giggle. And then the howling laughter began from another direction. Mrs-Needs-To-Be-Canonized bursts out of a side office clutching her stomach and laughing. I took a bow and drove to work.

Einstein was dyslexic

On Thursday I finished work, came home and lay down with The Teenager, both of us exhausted. My cell phone made some weird noises and when I checked it realized it had not taken a charge during the night. What can you expect from a $14.95 Wal-Mart go phone ? My expensive texting phone which i need for my job took a dump the day before my van died. No. I can't afford a new one. Phone or van.

I plugged the ghetto phone in to the living room outlet and it rang twice but every time I looked at it the screen went black. I figured whoever called me would call my home phone if it was important.

Walt Disney was dyslexic

The Baby's school bus arrived, we unloaded her and piled in to the van to pick up The Boy from school. The Teenager wobbly on Vicodin in her bathrobe and The Baby covered in finger paint. She was green and yellow.

When I arrived in the school car circle I noticed 2 fire trucks and one ambulance. And then I noticed a teacher running across the lawn towards me. For a brief second I tried not to look at her hoping she wasn't after me and that she would go away. Go away. Go away.

But I knew. Lord . Did I know.

"The Boy! The Boy! He fell! Go around the back."

Sir Isaac Newton was dyslexic

I was relieved to see The Boy sitting up on a stretcher surrounded by a crowd from school and a group of firemen and paramedics. The paramedic informed me The Boy had hurt his knee. It did look a little swollen but I've learned to consult the Boy.

Femur or knee?


Is it broken?

"Yes. I want to ride in the ambulance."

Where does it hurt?

"Here." he points. "I want to ride in the ambulance."

This is not life or death. You do not require life saving equipment like oxygen. You are riding with me.

On a scale of 1 to 10 his pain was a 5.

I plucked him off of the stretcher and put him in the van.

I realize later how bizarre our conversation sounded to innocent onlookers. Unless you have a child with OI and in that case it was a perfectly normal conversation.

Winston Churchill was dyslexic

I dosed him with Hyydrocodone and Motrin.We arrived at the ER and two burly security guards helped me move The Boy to a wheelchair. The triage nurse took him back immediately. I found out later that many of the dozens of families waiting complained about The Boy being taken back immediately assuming it was because he was white. The triage nurse informed them that The Boy had a femur fracture. Your child has a cold. Buzz off.

One of my major pet peeves are people who use the local emergency room as their primary care physician. They drive me insane and the cost of medical care over the edge for the rest of us poor paying slobs.

And the white issue? You don't want to go there with me.


Architect Jorn Utzon was dyslexic

The Boy did well until we took him for his x-ray and the muscle spasms began. A small segment of kids with OI suffer from debilitating spasms during fracture times and not only are they excruciatingly painful, they are also dangerous. Children fracture on top of fractures from the spasms themselves. Of course The Boy is a member of this small club.

Lewis Carroll was dyslexic

The only thing that helps is IV Valium.

"We are out of IV Valium," ER Dr. Garcia informed me.


Steven Spielberg is dyslexic

The nurse informs me there is also a nationwide shortage of migraine medication, Phenergan, some chemo drugs and some blood pressure pills.
So they give him Valium by mouth and IV Morphine. As the ER paramedic attempts to start the IV The Boy looks at her and says, "there is no blood return."

"I can't believe you just said that to me," she smiles. She turns to me and asks what his IQ is. I assured her it was normal but he is gifted in soooo many other ways.

None of which i care to go into at the moment.

Yes, Stephen Hawking also dyslexic

The femur was cracked but the intramedullary rod on it's last leg (literally) held it together and kept the crack from displacing. As it turns out he did not fall. He was walking towards a classmate and the femur spontaneously broke sending him to the ground.

I had them put on a long leg splint in the ER. We "had a choice." Were they kidding? Of course I wanted him immobilized. Wait a minute....could this be where the IV Valium is going? The treatment was a tad Bob Marley-ish no worries mon-ish. Since when do you not splint a cracked femur on an OI kid?

Last night was a little rough.

The Boy is also dyslexic

And the dyslexic paramedics?

I phoned Mrs-Needs-To-Be-Canonized from the ER as I felt terribly sorry for her hoping she had recovered from the fracture fiasco and wondering if the paramedics got there any quicker than they did when Attila had the seizure at the Valentines dance and Mrs-Needs-To-Be-Canonized was chasing them around the block on foot waving her hands in the dark and screaming, "I'm old. I'm fat. I'm going to have a heart attack right here in the street!"

No. It did not go well this time either.

"One fire truck arrived at the church office. One fire truck at a students house across the street. And one ambulance parked in the school parking lot."

Obviously her call to the dispatcher after the paramedics circled the Valentine dance for 10 minutes going up and down streets didn't do much good. It seems the school is still "off the grid."

And then there was the dyslexic paramedic who wrote 25lbs for The Boy's weight instead of 52 lbs and who wrote The Boy's first name down as my last name. And then dropped his clip board of notes on the ground and then couldn't find it until Ms. Zookeeper, The Boy's teacher, handed it to him and when she did it was apparently love at first sight for the paramedic. He couldn't take his eyes off of Ms. Zookeeper after that. Apparently none of the paramedics could take their eyes off of Ms. Zookeeper.

Yes. I know. I know. She is "hot" (per The Boy) but focus boys, focus!

This afternoon I'm still in the clothes that i went to work in yesterday morning and slept in last night. The Baby needs a bath and The Teenager is complaining because she is still in her nightgown.

"I'm still in my PE uniform and my tighty whities and I need a bath. " The Boy states trying to cheer The Teenager who is still experiencing post surgical pain.

"But at least my under wear aren't yellow."

Ah, yes. Gifted.

In sooo many ways.


Zoey's mom, Heather said...

Oh. My. Gosh. If possible I always leave your posts, more exhausted than when I arrived. So sorry all around. The Teenager, the diarrhea, The Boy. All for it. But there is your amazing humor riding the tide. Speaking of which, an ocean vacation sounds marvelous does it not?

In my day, dyslexia was not readily diagnosed.Unfortunately. I was viewed as easily distracted, socially driven and not putting forth my best effort. I detested school but at the same time, knew i was smart just couldn't figure out why I struggled so. Little did we know then, there was much more to it. As an adult I know now and given the host of other issues I sport, I barley blink an eye at it. What good company I am in though. Who knew.

Sending healing happy thoughts and prayers your families way.

Low Maintenance Mama said...

Praying for you and yours.

Island Rider said...

I had to laugh, I am sorry for your pain and all the troubles, but I had to laugh. You see, youngest son is a paramedic and he is dsylexic!

Anonymous said...

OMG woman! What did you do in your past life? Just kidding. Hope everyone is feeling better now. But seriously, I don't know how you do it. Take care of yourself.

Elizabeth said...

I don't know how I missed this post, but I've been missing you and came over here in hopes that you'd posted something and I'd just missed it.

How are you? Where are you? I hope you're all right -- and all those crazy chickens of yours are as well.

Sending love and good wishes.

Low Maintenance Mama said...

How's The Boy?

Amy Phelps said...

Faith, I'm just catching up on blogs and I really can't get over how amazing/crazy/exhausting/inspiring/ your life is. How does all this stuff happen to one person??? I of course loved all the stuff to do with The Boy. Can't tell you how many times this weekend I've asked my boy what his pain is on a scale of 1-10! I also told the lady in triage at the ER that I wasn't bringing Jonathan inside till they were ready to take him back to a room. Luckily that took about 3 minutes. Told the X-ray guy to get more creative with moving his camera around because we weren't touching the leg, threatened to use the drugs in my purse if they couldn't get their drugs in him a little faster, and so on and so on! You know the routine! Thank goodness for femur rods! Thanks for sharing your crazy life with us! Love to catch up on your happenings.